Yes that's it! Why?.. I feel inspired to share some thoughts that have been coming in and out last week. I made very valuable purchase of a book From Mark Manson called The Subtle art of not giving a fuck. Really something I feel I needed at this time. A lot of insights, triggers came up for me during the last 2-3 weeks.
It took a while for me to admit the fact that I gave fucks about things that were not helping me at all. Realising that I was not living very authentic life, more so not being my
authentic self either. The thing is that part of me did not realise this at the time in past, because it was the way I have been all my life and I wasn't being truly honest with myself.
Reflecting on times where I feel I care so much about how others perceive me, caring if people do like me and accept me. Sometimes I can still find myself comparing to what other people are doing and me not doing (over some time it got much better but at times these thoughts can come in. Also I am doing the right thing by acting & being certain way. I can find myself not being honest and truthful at certain times too. I pay attention the way I express, what I say, how I say it, share my opinion or just stay quiet, agree even when I don't agree to avoid argument, conflict or awkward moments, telling the truth about how I feel or being direct in a way that someone might get upset.
Yes I care about if I upset someone I am taking responsibility for others and their reactions, feelings, and try to please others. There are many things I have worked through already and changed within myself but there are still parts to work with. (life itself is a lesson but is also broken down into little tiny tiny lessons, oh gosh many of them) It is a working progress and it will be working progress until the day we die) End of the day it is about how we perceive these lessons and how we respond to them. It can be shitty experiences for some but great for others, due to different outlook. One thing to remember is that we always have a choice! Don't like something? then change it! (It's simple but can be hard at times).
This is just a few examples I share but really reading this book made me think even more about how I live my life and I asked myself many questions. I am giving a lot of fucks about things that don't matter and are not helping me to live my life, and to serve my purpose or simply just being me. My intentions always come from the heart and from place of love but fucking hell, sometimes I just want to explode and empty the bucket that has been filling up for so long and express differently.
I can be supressing certain emotions, feelings, and carrying emotional baggage, sometimes not even mine but other people's too. The truth is eventually these supressed emotions will have to come out at some point. If we don't release energy that needs to move through it will then manifest in different form and may cause disease, physical uncomfort, aches, pains in the body and also have psychological/mental impact too.
Everything we do is a choice, perhaps now I am choosing to be real, choose to care about things that matter rather than crap that doesn't. We can really get ourselves in circle of thoughts that are absolutely useless and we make small elephant a massive elephant in our heads. Making small problems to be big problems for no reason. It just happens sometimes we may not have control of it but when we do become aware of this more we can start make certain changes, remembering that not all problems are serious big problems that we need to spend so much time and energy thinking about.
Here is few questions that can help to get more clarity
Is my problem really that big?
What are these unimportant things I care about so much?
How would I feel if I stopped caring about stuff that don't matter?
What would I do if I stopped caring about stuff that don't matter?
I am I being honest with myself?
Am I taking responsibility for my own actions and reactions?
Much Love
Lilu xx
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