It hit me. Has been a month and at times I may have been in denial and refusing myself to feel fully.
Tears would come and go in little moments of emotional trigger. Part of me didn't allow it to fully release and now I am more aware of it than ever after being ill for a week. Eyes watering, blowing my nose like there is no end, headache, cough.
Very rarely I get ill so when I do it hits me every time and in all honesty I don't like it. I don't like to feel crap. Well no one does I am sure but I take responsibility because I know it manifested for a reason. Our body knows and when shit needs to be released it will be released, regardless of how it will happen. When we supress any kind of emotions it may manifest as physical illness, in my case it was stupid cold. All my body wanted was to release those emotions, take care of it self and slow down and pause for a minute. All of it happened but at different cost. I didn't
have to feel shit for a week if I did what was necessary before it started. Not to mention that yes I felt bad but I knew toxins were releasing and I will feel much better in few days.
Me being drama queen throughout feeling crap, all of the sudden I bursted into tears, I felt it all. All I was supressing what was on my mind and how I felt. I cried and cried, I talked about about it too. By the end of my big cry I realised that was what I needed to do in first place before all of it started.
Things I thought were healed came up on the surface again so they were not healed and released just yet. Guilt, frustration, helplessness, being a adult, having responsibility. knowing what is right, pleasing, expressing. That's to name a few. I was in denial that all was ok but was it really? Of course I was scared, I felt a lot of fear and wouldn't admit it to myself.
Sometimes when we get in to situations and moments like this we can ask ourselves.
What has been on my mind lately?
Who can I talk to about it?
Who will hold a space for me to express myself or just listen?
What can I do to release?
Much love
Lilu xx
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