Part of the reason you came across this is because somewhere inside of you may be longing for more. Deeper ways to connect with others or improve current friendships/relationships or perhaps create new ones. There are no accidents in this universe, so keep on reading :)
Today we are going to explore ways to develop, improve long-lasting, deeper and more meaningful relationships.
You may be little more aware about your current relationships and how you are with others. Questions bellow can help you to address areas that might need more attention.
Firstly I would like you to reflect and think about your current friendships, relationships you have with others. Are these people in your life for your best interest? Are you holding on to relationships that you know are not serving but there is a fear of loss, being alone if you leave or let them go?
Many times we hold onto people out of fear even when we recognise we are not happy. Fear of being alone or not finding anyone new or being as good as the other people were.
This is only a belief we hold and it is belief from the past experience. Someone may left us and we got hurt. We fear because we cannot predict the future and if we do it's based on negative thoughts of future outcome. By holding on the past we stop ourselves from new experience and people entering our life's. We ask questions like, what if I don't find anyone who will understand me, love me, or someone like him/her. We ask negative questions most of the time. But WHAT IF there is someone who will understand me, get me, see, hear, appreciate, inspire, support me?
Guess what my dear friend, these people are out there waiting to meet you. But they cannot meet you because you are not letting them into your life, you are holding onto the past.
Hey.. what If I will meet someone that will totally change my life to better? To more fulfilling. What would our friendship be like? How would I feel if this happened? What would we experience together? what amazing memories we would create?
Wow, no matter what questions we ask ourselves we will receive the answer. Our brain will get to work to find those experiences and people, most likely in unexpected circumstances. So recognising your current situation, can help you understand what is needed to be done.
Meanwhile, here I am sharing ways where we can develop more meaningful, fulfilling, deeper relationships.
Instead of How are you or Are you alright we could ask ''How are you feeling today?,, and give them some time to express
Active listening (sharing), give each other some space to share, express without interruption. Few minutes for each one to express what may be going on in their life, how are they feeling, what is going on in their life, create a space free of judgement about what they say or having the need of giving advice. Sometimes we just want to be heard and seen :) You will get to know your friend and yourself much better, trust me on this one.
Respect each other. We all have some things going on in our lives and not always we set boundaries within any friendships or relationships. ( I am working on this one myself right now). Being honest about how you feel, what your needs are. How you feel with them and knowing understanding when you may need time out.
Make them feel seen, celebrate their success, believe in them and support them, emotional support if very important. Have compassion for each other too :)
Random act of kindness. We don't have to wait for birthday, Xmas, Mothers/Fathers day to show someone we appreciate. Random act of kindness anytime if beautiful more meaningful and unexpected. You will surely make their day :)
Reach out. Maybe you haven't heard from them for a while. Quick call to see how they are shows you care and think about them even when you are not in touch often.
Share how you feel about them. What do you like about them.. What do you appreciate, or how they make you feel. If you love them tell them.. If they upset you, disrespected you or did something that was not from place of love. Just be honest.. we go along sometimes supressing the truth we are not able to express but it's not helping and it will only get worse if we don't release. ( I am looking closely into this one too).
Own your shit and take responsibility. It's very easy to blame the world and others about what is happening in our life's, but end of the day it is not about what is happening but how we react/respond to what is happening. They shine and we don't like it. They are too much. We don't like it because we stop ourselves to shine. They are too much because there are parts within ourselves that we are not expressing. We may get jealous perhaps, why do we get jealous? Because we have our own insecurities. We judge or gossip, Why do we do that? because there are part within us we are not expressing and when we see others we judge, to make ourselves feel better. So before you snap at someone, get angry, overreactive, maybe pause and think why are you acting this way, what is the underlaying issue behind this reaction.
Accept and love them for who they are, one thing that we temp to do is to try change other people, sometimes we want to help but we might not be helping at all. So why do we want to change them? Because they will fill our expectations and will be they way we want them to be. They will think the way we think. We simply don't fully accept them for who they are. I was a control freak. I tried to change my previous partners too but I realised I couldn't because those who are not ready for change will not change. We can guide and advice others and that's it.
Have a real deep, meaningful conversations. Skip the chit chats and small talks. Chit chats are boring, meaningless and waste of time. They can be used as little starters but let's not get sucked into it too much :D
Here is few for you to pick or to think about. These are all ways that I learned and still learn to apply into relationships that I have. Some of these changed completely, some improved and with some I had to let go. (It wasn't easy, but I knew I had to otherwise I would not let myself shine and grow) I would not be honest with myself and others and I would not be living my truth.
Check in with these questions, to get perspective where you currently are :)
How do you feel around your current friends?
Do you feel you are being your authentic self?
Do they expresses themselves authentically?
Do you feel energised? inspired? Heard? Seen?
What intimacy means to you?
Optimistic approach when letting go..
What If I will meet someone that will totally change my life to better?
What would our friendship be like?
How would I feel if this happened?
What would we experience together?
What amazing memories we would create?
And finally let yourself shine so you can inspire others to shine too :)
Much love
Lilu xx
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