Letting my heart speak as I sit by the side of someone who is about leave us. Moments between i type... Ahhh, many thoughts and emotions are arising when I really take time to be present and acknowledge the moment fully. Sun is coming through the window and is one of those small things he enjoyed very much. covers are off sun is blasting all over his skin and he looks at peace, Playlist of his favorite songs are playing in the background, yet he still had some energy to sing for little while. Seeing his beautiful smile as I lean over to say hello so he can see someone is there with him. (he smiles and says I love you which hits me right in the heart not even knowing or remembering who I am. It doesn't matter because love has no limits is what heart tells me at that moment).
As I sit here fully present looking at him, tears are poring down my face when I remember him in not so distant past sitting in the sun looking out the garden, exploring the birds and moving trees by the wind, telling me his favorite stories he still remembered at the time. Seeing the way he always smiled when I brought him his tea and a cake :), remembering us playing Dominoes and him always winning ,,oh well''. Memories of laugh, jokes, and silly gestures we did. Quiet times we sat and just looked out the window with the time passing slow and still, remembering it's ok to just be.
He opens and closes his eyes not fully settling, at times he looks worried almost as if he sees more to the other side. Calming words come to me to share with him that there is nothing to be afraid of and it's ok to let go and trust that there is nothing more than pure love awaiting and he will soon see his wife too :) he rests little more and relaxes his body as he listens to those assuring words. I hold his hand I speak and feel connected. Hearing is the last thing that goes when someone is passing away so there is nothing more comforting than speak from the heart at those times. Sense of relieve, gratitude, memories, connection, sadness, grief, all merge together and allowing the body to experience it all. (something that just feels real at this time).
It's sad and beautiful at the same time to be present with someone that is about to leave us because it reminds me that it is the cycle of life, it is natural process that we all going to go through this lifetime. (sometimes we forget) but this is straight gentle reminder of that. It is ok to let go.
I feel my heart full of love and even the voice in my head is quieter as nothing more matters right now when I am fully present with this moments. There is no should's or shouldn't there seem to be acceptance, care, love, comfort, truth. Deep down it is very humbling and vourneable and I feel so honored to be part of this experience.
I am allowing myself to be still and present and it's messy but beautiful. It feels also beautiful to share.
Love Lilu x
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