In the last 2 or so Years I worked with people Who had either Dementia or Alzheimer's and I'd like to talk about it today as there are things that really stood out for me. I am very much believer that everything happens for a reason and we are exactly where we need to be, to learn or remind ourselves about. Since I learned to accept this my life has turned around in a way the the world works in my favour rather than against. It's for all of us if we choose to see it from this perspective.
1.Patience - Oh dear, If I was to label myself it would be impatient. I don't like to wait, I like things to happen here and now, most times also keen to look for quick fix, magic pill, you name it. It was really one thing that was brought in front of my face to deal with. (I believe for good reason haha, and it's improving thank goodness). For instance, lady with dementia I worked would ask same question 20 times in space of 5 minutes. They are just do not remember, more short term experience, she wouldn't remember what she had to eat, what we have done or doing. Now replying to her with same answers over and over was really draining for me at one point. But eventually it ease up and my levels of frustration would decrease over time. I learned to accept that is something I will have to deal with with period of time. Sometimes I had to remind myself she has dementia and that also taught me that we are not the same, Yes we all have physical body, we speak, eat, sleep, walk, pee, poo, but we all are dealing with something in our inner world. A world that is not visible to others.
2.Empathy - As time was passing this was rising up and reminding me that we really do not know what people are dealing with, I mean wouldn't you get frustrated if you didn't remember anything that has happened in day, week, a year? What about trust? If we wouldn't remember what happened others convincing us about one thing and we come up with another? I really try to put myself into her shoes to remember that what she is dealing with is nothing she has control of anymore sadly. Just take little time to pause to remind myself that and have more empathy and understanding what she might me going through.
3.Not to take things personally - At times with her frustration of not remembering she would be very moody, angry, frustrated. For some time I carried a belief (most like from my childhood somewhere ) about me doing something wrong and then thinking people are upset with me because I done something wrong. More and more this was in my face I took it as a opportunity to let go and remember it's not because of me, even if it was I could not do anything about it because she wouldn't be able to express herself fully, I worked with this belief prior to this already but it still revealed sometimes (just when I thought I got it sorted ffs). Overall it really highlighted that communication is important as well as just not to take anything personally, because again, people are dealing with their own stuff.
4.Not holding onto the past - Also constant reminder how we can really learn to let go of the past and come back to a present moment, it takes as little as leaving the room to go to the kitchen and then coming back being asked who are you? Even when we had conversation 2 minutes ago. Or times when they would get frustrated about something, I'd leave the room for few minutes and ten to come back to, how are yo love, nothing to be remembered as nothing happened. This also links to leaving more space to just be present with the moment, because in their life that's all that is, from moment to moment. No future, no past just here and now and how to make the moment nice, knowing they will also not remember it regardless of what happens.
5.Opportunity to start fresh each time - By them living from moment to moment there is opportunity to start fresh, to try something new, to approach differently, not being attached to the past but improvising with each moment more. Another chance given over and over.
6.Putting manners behind - Due to memory loss people with Alzheimer's can be also without manners, they burp they fart, they say things straight to your face without filter. I like it in a way because that's what human beings are, it's social conditioning about what's acceptable what is not, often also by this we temp to supress our emotion, our truth and our expression. Just ask yourself, do you have the freedom to express yourself fully? Regardless what it might be?
7.Knowing when to help - Recognising when is appropriate to help someone, sometimes we may think we are helping somebody with feeding, moving etc but if they are still able to do it letting them do it, why? because they can still have freedom to have some kind of control and choice over their tasks and life, it might be little thing for some but big think for others. Imagine completely loosing independence. Everything done for you even you can still do a lot of things. How would it make you feel? Not only that but overall, many times we try to help others but they are not ready to receive our help and sometimes we have to step back, not only for them but for ourselves too. I mean there is only as much energy we can invest into someone.
These some insights about what I learned and came across. There are lessons in everything, We always have opportunity to do things differently, have more empathy for others, to start again, to let go of the past, to be present as that's all there is. to be more kind and understanding, treat everyone equally and with respect, To remember those little things in life and what matters.
Love Lilu x
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