What if you just did it? I use to spend money all the time, buying new handbags, clothing, decorations, well you name it was my thing. Hoping on Amazon, ebay, click click, seeing my shopping basket was great. Every time delivery arrived it was like Xmas for me. Bare in mind that would be random items which really I did not really need.
Made me happy to have nice clothes arriving, going with current trends, looking after my image, well seeing all those beautiful girls on Insta I was of course comparing myself to others.
That's it though, items eventually became old and worn out and that didn't take long in all honesty which meant going shopping again, spending, spending, spending $$$.
It took me some time to realise, pause and ask some questions.
Why do I keep buying more and more? Because I liked the quick happiness and excitement it gave me, deep down I wanted to be seen and acknowledged, I was seeking some excitement, I just felt that there wasn't much excitement happening in my life in general. Deep down on subconscious level I was also looking for approval and to fit in. Also it was change for me, every time I had something new it was little way to change something, just to bring something new into my life
, because I was in such a routines that there wasn't much new entering my life. It was a habit. Every time we experience something that makes us feel good, certain chemicals in brain are released and we can become addicted and because it feels good, we will do what it takes to have more of it. Lastly, it is everywhere we look, shops, screaming buy buy buy, we constantly showed and sold that we need something to feel happy, comfy, good. We are just bombarded, and externally looking for happiness.
I was not aware of why I did all that at the time. It was just happening, it was way of living for me and if anything it was absolutely normal.
It's only recent years I became more aware, started to ask those questions, Why am I doing this? Why Am I the way I am? I learned about myself more, I took time to look within to see who I actually am.
Wanting to buy anything was very different reasons. Throughout my journey I went to do things a different way, and created new habits.
In all honesty it all sky rocketed when I quit my job and left my home. I took step like no other in my life. From there my life experiences have changed, My way of living have changed. I recognised that I don't need new outfit to be seen and acknowledged, approved. I understood that I wasn't seeing myself, I wasn't acknowledging myself and I was rejecting myself, that's one of the reasons I would subconsciously look for it outside of me, like a confirmation you know.. this all changed when I started to value myself, to trust, to see and acknowledge myself, I changed my beliefs, I learned to let go, I learned different ways to approach life, and learned to appreciate ,,well being alive,, having to meet beautiful people who saw me for who I am and whom I saw for who they are. Remembering to live from the heart. It's beautiful and it can be painful too. Not in bad way because when pain arise there is a reason and lessons to be learned, (I like to use the phrase of peeling an onion).
Truth is.. What we want to experience is simple. We would like to be seen for who we truly are, we want to be heard, we want to feel appreciated, we want to love and be loved unconditionally. we want to be happy, and have nice life.
Eventually I got tired of buying and buying shit I don't need because the longing for something deeper was coming up on the surface until I had no choice than to give it attention. For the last 1 1/2 Year I have been living in 10kg Suitcase & backpack and I could not be more abundant. (I will share more in another post about me and my 10kg suitcase haha)
Let me ask you something. If there was no such a thing as Materialism, items and crap from the shops. Living in caves as metaphor, what would be important to you? What would you differently?
Much love
Lilu xx
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